As a writer, I have always been drawn to creating characters that are complex, flawed, and sometimes downright horrible. While some readers may find these characters difficult to relate to or sympathize with, for me, they serve an important purpose in my healing journey.
Growing up, I experienced abuse and trauma that left lasting scars on my mental and emotional well-being. As a result, I struggled with my identity and felt disconnected from my emotions and my sense of self. For years, I tried to push away the pain and bury it deep within me, hoping that if I ignored it, it would eventually go away.
However, as I began to explore my creativity through writing, I found that the act of creating characters allowed me to confront and process my own trauma in a safe and therapeutic way. By writing about characters who were flawed and damaged, I was able to explore my own experiences through a different lens and gain a new perspective on my own struggles.
At first, it was difficult to write about characters who were so deeply flawed. I worried that readers would judge me or assume that the horrible characters I created were a reflection of my own values or beliefs. However, I soon realized that creating these characters was not about glorifying or condoning their behavior. Instead, it was about acknowledging the darkness that exists within us all and exploring the reasons behind it.
As I delved deeper into the psychology of my characters, I began to see parallels between their experiences and my own. Writing about their struggles and pain allowed me to connect with my own emotions and memories in a way that I had never been able to before. Through my characters, I was able to express the pain and anger that I had been suppressing for so long, and I found a sense of catharsis in the act of creating.
Writing about horrible characters also allowed me to challenge some of the negative beliefs that I had internalized about myself. Growing up, I had been told that I was worthless, unlovable, and undeserving of respect or care. By creating characters who were similarly flawed and damaged, I was able to see that these beliefs were not unique to me, but were instead a result of the trauma that I had experienced.
In creating these characters, I was also able to explore the complexities of human nature and the ways in which trauma can shape a person’s behavior and personality. While some of my characters were undeniably terrible people, I found that there were often reasons behind their actions that were rooted in their own pain and suffering. This allowed me to develop greater empathy for others, including those who had hurt me in the past.
Overall, writing about horrible characters has been an integral part of my healing journey. By confronting the darkness within myself through the act of creation, I have been able to gain a deeper understanding of my own experiences and emotions. While my writing may not be for everyone, it has been an essential tool in my own healing process, and has helped me to reclaim my sense of self and find a greater sense of peace and acceptance.