Heart-shaped pendant symbolising maternal love.<br />

Fear is the ultimate equaliser. Regardless of background or profession, it touches us all. But not all fears are born equal. In my unique position as an anaesthetist, I’ve observed fear manifest in various forms—from the existential dread that floods in moments before surgery to the fictional horrors that leap from the pages of my medical thrillers.

As an anaesthetic technician, part of my job is to assuage the very real fears people have about losing consciousness or never waking up. This primal, deep-rooted fear is a survival mechanism. It’s your amygdala sending up red flags, releasing a cocktail of hormones that prepare you for ‘fight or flight.’ Yet, the real intrigue lies in how fear performs when logic and reason say otherwise. 

No, that mask administering anaesthetic isn’t suffocating you, and yet the fear exists. Why? Because fear often sidesteps logic––tapping into ancient evolutionary mechanisms meant to keep us alive.

While real-world fears can be assuaged with facts and assurance, the fears I craft in my medical thrillers are designed to exploit your imagination. The aim is to tap into the deep, dark corners of your psyche, making you question not only the characters in my stories but also yourself. 

After all, isn’t the most terrifying question, “Could this happen to me?” In my books, the answer is a resounding yes. I employ intricate plot twists, imbued with realism from my medical background, to craft narratives that challenge your sense of safety and understanding of the human condition.

As someone who’s walked the tightrope between science and art, I can say that the intersection between the two realms adds an extra layer of realism and intensity to the concept of fear. The meticulous nature of my profession, dealing with the razor-thin line between consciousness and oblivion, lends itself perfectly to the high-stakes world of psychological thrillers. My villains are as calculating as they are chaotic, influenced by real-world understanding of psychology, pharmacology, and anatomy. This synergy amplifies the element of fear, making it as palpable as a racing pulse before an incision.

Both in the operating theatre and in my stories, fear serves as a lens through which we can examine our vulnerabilities, motivations, and the complex web of factors that dictate our actions or inactions. It reveals our essence, stripped bare, free from societal masks. Whether it’s a patient’s eyes widening as the anaesthetic takes hold or a reader’s heart pounding as the plot reaches a climax, fear unearths the raw, unfiltered core of our being.

Fear thrives at the intersection of the real and the imagined. It’s a tug-of-war, where every pull from one side resonates on the other. As an anaesthetist, it’s my job to mitigate the fears grounded in reality. But as an author, I revel in creating fear, challenging my readers to confront the darkest corners of their imagination, all while wondering how close to reality their fears might actually be.

Absolutely, let’s dive deeper into that moment, the moment you yield and give in to that fear. Picture it—you’re lying on the hospital bed, the sterile smell of antiseptic in the air and the rubber gloves snapping on hands somewhere just out of sight. You hear the wheels of the anaesthetic cart grow nearer, each turn echoing like a drumbeat in your heightened state. There’s an internal tension as your heart rate kicks up a notch, thumping in your chest like a trapped bird eager to escape. Your mouth feels parched, as if every droplet of saliva has evaporated in an instant. There’s a tingling sensation—your body’s alert system flooding your bloodstream with hormones like adrenaline and cortisol.

Here’s the intriguing paradox: You are in one of the safest environments—a hospital, surrounded by medical professionals. Your logical mind knows this. You’ve talked to the experts; you’ve read the pamphlets. Yet, your body is reacting as if you’re facing an immediate, life-threatening danger. You’re locked in an ancient ‘fight or flight’ mode, a psychological throwback to a time when humans were not atop the food chain and a rapid response to danger was essential for survival. 

In this situation, you have no predator to run from and no physical combat to engage in. You can neither ‘fight’ the impending surgical procedure nor ‘flee’ from the anaesthetist’s needle. It’s a disarmingly vulnerable situation. So what does your body do? It ramps up physiological processes that are utterly useless in the situation. Your heightened senses won’t help you here; the enhanced muscle response is irrelevant. You’re caught in a primal loop in a modern setting.

So why does this happen? The culprit is your brain, specifically, an almond-shaped part of it called the amygdala. 

The amygdala doesn’t care for nuance; it cares about survival. Its as prehistoric as the Neanderthals who roamed the earth millions ofd years ago. When it perceives danger—even when that danger is not immediate or even real—it acts. In your hunter-gatherer days, misinterpreting a stick for a snake could mean life or death. Therefore, the brain errs on the side of caution, activating a system that prepares you for immediate action. It’s a marvel of evolution but occasionally a mismatch for our modern life complexities, especially when lying in a hospital bed awaiting anaesthesia.

The anaesthetic agents really are the unsung heroes here, and if you’ll indulge me, they’re a bit like the wizards behind the curtain, wielding a complex magic that requires not just science, but artistry. As they enter your bloodstream, they serve as a modern-day knight in shining armour—well, more like lab coats and scrubs—engaging in a duel with the multifaceted dragon of fear and anxiety you’re feeling.

But let’s be clear, these agents don’t just render you unconscious. That would be the easy part. No, what they actually do is akin to conducting an orchestra of physiological processes. They balance sedation with maintaining crucial bodily functions like respiration, heart rate, and reflex responses. Why is this? Because your heightened state of fear doesn’t just camp out in your mind, waiting to frighten your next thought; it seeps into your body, saturating your muscles and vital organs.

This is why administering anaesthesia is so much more than just ‘knocking someone out.’ It’s a highly delicate dance to mitigate the fight or flight responses that have kicked in, impacting everything from your blood pressure to your oxygen saturation levels to your hydration to controlling the pain you’re unconsciously feeling. The anaesthetist has to counterbalance these spikes and dips, ensuring you’re sedated enough to not experience pain but alert enough to maintain essential life-supporting functions. 

In this sense, your anaesthetist becomes a critical adjunct against not just physical pain, but also against the emotional and psychological elements of fear that have physical manifestations. Take pain perception, for example. When you’re afraid, your body is in a state of high alert, which can actually make you more sensitive to pain. Thus, adequate anaesthesia has to account for this heightened sensitivity.

But let refine this further. 

What many people may not fully grasp is the dual nature of anaesthesia. While these agents serve as a barricade, preventing the brain from consciously registering pain, they don’t negate the physical reality of what your body undergoes. Whether it’s the slicing of skin, the drilling into bone, or the extraction of an organ––your body is still very much a participant in the surgical process. This paradoxical phenomenon is known as iatrogenic trauma—a situation where you voluntarily subject yourself to harm as a pathway to healing.

This brings us to a curious juxtaposition. At its core, surgery isn’t fundamentally different from enduring a sudden, unexpected trauma—like being hit by a bus on a bustling street. In both instances, your body undergoes significant stress and damage. The difference? In one scenario, you’ve willingly signed up for this invasive experience with the understanding that this ‘controlled harm’ is essential for your well-being. It’s a fine line between therapeutic intervention and traumatic experience, and anaesthesia serves as the crucial mediator, allowing us to straddle these contrasting worlds.

And let’s not forget the healing process. Your emotional state, including fear and stress, can impact how well and how quickly you heal post-operation. Elevated stress hormones can slow down the healing process, something no one wants after surgery. So, the anaesthetist’s role isn’t just about the immediate moment in the operating theatre, but also about setting the stage for a smoother recovery.

 So, why the journey into the shadows of fear? 

 Well, there’s something therapeutic about confronting our fears within the armoured walls of a gripping tale. It’s the same reason many of us are drawn like moths to a flame when it comes to horror films, edge-of-your-seat thrillers, and true crime sagas. These genres serve as arenas where we can safely grapple with our deepest, darkest dreads and insecurities. It’s almost as though we’re allowing ourselves a cautious glance into the hidden recesses of our minds, a fleeting peek behind the mental drapes we’ve drawn so tightly shut.

 The revelation here is that the monsters we often fear are not mythical creatures but rather manifestations of our own human frailties. Engaging with these through fiction offers a somewhat controlled encounter, one that allows us to face, and perhaps even understand, the darker elements of our own nature. It’s like a high-wire act of the soul, where we teeter between the unsettling and the enlightening, all while safely tethered to the written word.

 To fully grasp the nuances of fear––whether that’s in the sterile confines of an operating room or within the suspenseful maze of a thriller novel—you have to appreciate its dual nature. It’s a seamless fusion between science and artistry, a realm where facts and feelings coalesce. You see, on one side, there’s the clinical aspect. It’s where you can quite literally map out the adrenaline coursing through your veins, pinpointing the physiological factors at play when you feel scared. Your heart rate skyrockets, your palms get clammy, and it’s like your body is sounding an internal alarm bell. Science can explain these manifestations down to a cellular level.

Yet, on the flip side, there’s the psychology of fear––the raw emotions and individual experiences that breathe life into your dread. It’s a more subjective realm, where your childhood traumas, societal norms, and even cultural factors form the outline of what terrifies you. Here, art helps us explore those intricate labyrinths of the mind, illuminating the murky corners that even science can’t quite penetrate.

So, the next time you’re caught in the throes of fear, a shiver tracing its spine-tingling path up your back, remember this: fear is not a monolithic emotion. It’s a complex interplay between your mental and physical self, a choreographed ballet where science and the otherworldly come together in a dance both fascinating and eerie. By dissecting its components, making an effort to truly understand its multi-layered structure, you’re not just indulging in self-reflection. You might be taking the first, crucial step towards facing and, just maybe, mastering the demons that keep you up at night.

"Unlock the chilling tales of Murder Monday, exclusive stories, podcasts, and more. Your gateway to the dark unknown awaits on Patreon."

Share This